RAPE VICTIMS

• "When I left for a week-long college orientation last June, danger was the furthest thing from my mind. I had to schedule classes, meet potential roommates, take my placement tests… everything but concern myself with safety. Rape, often featured in the nightly news, was nothing that seemed realistic to me.

  The first day of orientation had gone well. I had taken in several lectures, eaten out with my orientation group, been to a “dive-in” movie and toured around the campus. I was tired, but when several girls on my dorm floor asked me to a party I was determined to go. After all, college was all social life, right? I had been to parent supervised parties back home, but they were very tame compared to the scene we witnessed upon entering.

  My dorm mates abandoned me as soon as we stepped through the door. There were kegs of beer and various bottles of strong liquor set up in the kitchen, and loud music booming from the den. There were so many partiers that we were squeezed together like sardines. My confidence and pleasure over being a real college student evaporated as I watched my schoolmates dancing, drinking and even trying drugs.

  I wanted to leave but we were miles from campus and my dorm mate was the only one driving. I sat down on the couch in the living room, the quietest place in the house, and tried to make the best of it. Soon, a guy my age came over. He wasn't staggering or swearing. In fact he seemed well in control of himself. He sat down beside me and we began to talk.

  His name was Roger and he was a Junior. He remarked on the cross hanging from my neck and suggested we attend church together sometime. Instantly I felt better. I let my defenses down and engaged him in conversation for a while.

  "Would you like a drink?" he asked after a few minutes. I told him that I didn't drink beer, and he offered me a Pepsi. He seemed so sweet and courteous. When he returned with the soda he suggested we go upstairs, to talk in quiet. I was a little suspicious, but I figured nothing could really happen in a house full of people. Besides, he was a Christian, and he seemed very kind and attentive.

  We went up to one of the bedrooms and Roger left the door a little bit open, to make me feel better. I drank some soda and continued talking. Soon I was exhausted, almost so badly that I couldn't keep my eyes open. I asked Roger to find my friends and have them give me a ride home. He agreed and went out, closing the door softly. I closed my eyes and felt my forehead, wondering if I was coming down with something.

  Then, suddenly, Roger was back in the room. He closed the door this time and locked it as well. I tried to get up and yell but I couldn't. I was too weak to even sit up. He raped me in the bedroom, among a house full of people. It was the worst night of my life. Eventually my dorm mates found me and brought me to the nurses station. I filled out a report orally while she did tests.

  The nurse shocked me, saying that I had been given the date rape drug. I didn't believe her at first. I never took medication that I didn't get for myself, and I certainly hadn't had any the night before. She explained that it was most likely mixed with my Pepsi and I hadn't even noticed!

  I went home early and spent months in therapy. I was feeling horrible; guilty, ashamed, frightened. It seemed like I couldn't trust anyone. After all, Roger had seemed like a real nice guy. I was afraid to go out for a while too, and held my mothers hand when we were on our way to shop or attend church. I'm feeling a lot better now, but it's taken many months to come to terms with everything.

  My advice to all party-goers is BE CAREFUL. You need to be in control of the situation. Don't drink, or if you do, drink in moderation. If you are drunk you won't be able to defend yourself or think straight. Stay with friends and people you know and trust. It is tempting to go off with someone new, especially if you think the situation is safe, but that is not always the case. Whenever you feel uncomfortable head home, call a taxi, whatever. And girls, get your own beverages. The date rape drug is very common these days. You need to know that no one has tampered with your drink, even if you're just having a soda. Take care of yourself."

  the above story sent in by Catja, age 18
  Posted September 1999

• "I have read through the other stories on this page in which most cases the child was kept by the mother. My story is a little different. At the age of 17 I was raped by my boyfriend and became pregnant, only I didn't know it until I had left the area to go to college. I was only at the college for 3 days when I found out I was pregnant. I called my dad and told him I wanted out of school, so he sent me to my grandparents house. Then my dad told me I had 3 choices a)abortion b)adoption or c)keeping the child myself, he wasn't going to tell me which one to choose—the problem was mine and I had to figure out how to fix it.

  Well at 17 I had no job or permanent place to live at so I choose b) adoption. I have to admit it was the hardest choice I have ever had to make, but it was one that I feel was God led. I called an open adoption agency and asked a lot of questions that first day. I wanted to make sure it was legal. My social worker was the best! She helped me with any and all questions and even when my former boyfriend denied being the father she was there to hold my hand. She gave me files that couples had to fill out about themselves so I could read them and get to know them. The couple I picked even had a video tape of themselves that I got to watch. Even though the tape wasn't very clear, and I had just an idea about these people I knew God was telling me these were the people to choose. I got to meet the couple (even though I was scared outta my mind) and we had a very good visit. I ended up having a baby girl and I got to feed her and bathe her while in the hospital—it was wonderful. I was also there when the couple met that baby for the first time. I have to admit it was the hardest moment of my life, I even ended up running out of the room crying. But by the time I walked out of that hospital I knew I had done the right thing for myself and that beautiful baby girl. I was later told how brave I was to do such a thing. I don't consider myself brave, I see it as I had a bad situation and God turned it into a Godly situation. So many people have a negative reaction about adoption. I'm here to tell you it can be a beautiful, wonderful situation that is a better choice than abortion."

  the above story sent in by Mary Reynolds, age 25
  Posted September 1999

• "Ten years ago I was raped and became pregnant. I always felt in my heart that abortion was wrong, but under the circumstances, I thought it was the best thing to do. I went to a crisis pregnancy center in order to get information on how to get an abortion. I met a woman who listened to my predicament and explained what took place during an abortion and what stage of development my baby was in. I was approximately 10 weeks pregnant at the time. She explained that my baby could feel pain. I left feeling more confused than ever, but still leaning towards abortion. Weeks and months passed and I slowly decided that I just couldn't go through with the abortion. I finally decided to place my baby for adoption. I was able to select the parents and meet them. Then about 3 weeks later I delivered a beautiful baby girl. I named her Samantha and 2 days later she went to live with her adoptive parents. She is now a healthy, happy 9 year old with a very bright future. It breaks my heart every time I think of how close I came to ending her life."

  the above story sent in by Pamela Cleveland, age 33