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ADOPTION

  • New story. Added Jan 2003."I was 18 yrs old, and I ran off and got married, while still in 12th grade! My ex-husband and I were married 1 yr. During that year together, I became pregnant. Now at 18 I thought I was ready for a baby. But, my husband was not. He demanded that if I loved him, I would have an abortion. Well, I argued & argued with him. But, eventually I agreed. Despite how I truly felt! So, I had the abortion. And while I was in having the procedure, he was with his “girlfriend.” I had to wait for him to come get me!

    My life after that was never the same. I went totally downhill, and didn't know why! I kept drinking all the time. The only reason I did not become a Full blown alcoholic, was that God was watching over me (alcoholism ran in my family.) I went from abusive relationship to abusive relationship. I thought I deserved it! Then 11 yrs.ago, I became pregnant by another abusive man. Well, I had that baby boy. He is now 11 and red-headed. And about 6 yrs ago, I was in my last abusive relationships. I became pregnant once more. And I didn't know what to do. I was terrified! My 5yr. old son at the time, I found out has ADD. And I was told by a lot of people that I should have an abortion.

    Well, that set me off! I demanded that they never say that again! I refused to even think of that as an option! I did a lot of soul searching & praying. Now, mind you, I was a CHRISTIAN at that time. But, I had fallen deeply away from the Lord! I told God that I couldn't decide what to do. That I turned my whole life over to him. And I asked him to help me decide what to do.

    Well, 2-4 weeks later, I talked to a social worker. I told her about my son & the abusive relationship that I was in. She said she would gladly help us. I kept praying for an answer to my decision. I finally decided that I would put this baby up for adoption! I never knew about it until then! The social worker stuck with us until the very end! She found us a place to live. And I never did regret or change my mind about going through with the adoption! I asked the LORD to help me through it all! And HE was, all the time. And HE still is today!

    Now, my son I gave up is 6 yrs old. I get a letter & picture from the adoptive parents yearly. They are a Christian couple that had been on the adoption waiting list for 5 years! And GOD has blessed them & me! That day that I made the HARD choice, I asked GOD back into my heart, to stay forever! And HE has & is! I no longer can have children, but, my 11 yr. old keeps US busy! Yes, US!

    About 1&1/2 yrs after the adoption took place, I met the man of my dreams! He is a “REAL” man! We have been married for 5 yrs. this Sept. And we are very active members in our church. But, don't think that for one minute that I don't think of that little boy I gave up, because I do. But, knowing that GOD had his hand in the decision, I CAN'T REGRET IT!

    I miss him, but I pray that we will see him again! In GOD'S own time & HIS will! If anyone needs someone to talk to, I'll help in whatever way I can. I am also a Volunteer counselor @ a Life Choices Center! And I have given my testimony there a few times & in church. And to others. So, if I can help, please let me know!"

    the above story sent in by Bonnie Polinder, age 34
    Posted January 2003

  • New story. Added Jan 2003.I was born on a very cold December day in 1970 on the west side of Chicago to a beautiful, young Hispanic woman. She was all alone the day the she gave birth to me, her first born child.

    I was placed up for adoption 15 days later. I was adopted by a couple who could not have children of their own. My adopted father still, to this day, recalls the overwhelming emotion he had the moment he held me in his arms and saw my tiny, pink face. They gave me the best life any child could ever ask for. But more importantly, they gave me unconditional love, a love that was so strong and so natural. They taught me about family, and how to love unconditionally. My father has taught me how to look for all the good qualities in people no matter how badly they may hurt you-something I try to live by.

    I began my search for my birth mom last August 24th. Ironically, that is the day before one of my birth sisters birthday! I hired someone to perform the search for me after I had tried endlessly for 2 months on my own with no success. Once she was found and once I knew her name and her age at the time of my birth (21), she became a real person to me. Prior to this, she was just a very special woman without a name or a face. I always pictured her being very poor, not speaking any English and working in a bakery. When I found her I was also told I had 3 siblings; 2 sisters and a brother. I was shocked because to me, in my little world, my birth mom never married, and never had any more children of her own. It took me a while to absorb the fact that I had siblings and of course the question, 'why did she keep them but not me?' came to the surface.

    I wrote her a letter after finding her address. I had no idea what to say and I struggled as I sat there with a pen and paper. I remember crying so hard as I tried to find the right words to say to her because I did not want her to feel threatened or hurt by me reappearing in her life after 30 years. I did the best I could. I waited and waited, time passed, my 31st birthday came and went and still no letter, no phone call. I was sad and thought of every possible excuse for not hearing back from her. Until one very cold December day, shortly after my birthday, I went to the mailbox and there was a large envelope with handwriting very similar to my own, in my mailbox. I knew instantly that it was a letter from her. I ran inside and tore it open and my hands shook as I began to read the letter before me. As I unfolded the letter, a piece of paper fell to the floor along with 2 pictures…I picked up the paper and shook as I realized that that piece of paper was my original letter to her and as I fell to the floor I reached for the 2 pictures that were lying there before me-one was my wedding picture and the other was a picture of my little girl making brownies with a smile so big on her face it could light up a room. These were the pictures I had sent to her along with my letter. I began to sob uncontrollably. During my search I thought I had prepared myself for every possibility and I kept reassuring myself that no matter what the outcome, I would be okay with it. I was wrong. I NEVER expected this sort of outcome. The letter did not say what I had hoped it would. She told me she was not my birth mom and that she would never accept any further letters from me. To say I was devastated is such an understatement.

    I had the information about my birth siblings and that haunted me for a long time. Each day I'd wake up and wonder what each of them was like. Did they look like me? Did they have the same interests as I did? Were they okay? I thought about them daily and as each day passed, I grew more and more curious about them. I was so blessed to have the love and support of my adopted family and my friends who stood by me and listened endlessly to me. They let me cry until I couldn't cry anymore and they kept reassuring me that it was nothing that I did wrong to make my birth mom turn her back on me. But no matter what people told me, the fact still remained that she wanted no part of me and I began to take that very personally. How could I not? I prayed and prayed each night for God to give me the strength to go on and to swallow this and move forward with my life. He did in fact give me strength. After attending a wonderful support group in my area and hearing other adoptee's stories, I was able to make a clear decision.

    On the evening of February 2nd of this year I decided to sit down and relax and read a magazine for the evening. Something inside me shot up and told me it was time. I raced up the stairs and told my husband that I had to call my birth sister NOW! He knew I was serious and began making the necessary phone calls to find my sisters current phone number. We contacted a friend of hers who knew where she lived and knew how to get in touch with her but was reluctant to give me any information about her. I was almost certain that he would not pass the message on to her because I could tell he was very unsure of what was going on. Ten minutes later the phone rang…I began screaming at my husband to pick up the phone. It was her, my birth sister. He explained calmly to her who he was and who we were looking for. All I could do was sit anxiously and cry and cry. After all the waiting, all the letters to women whom I had thought and hoped would be my birth mom, all the disappointing events that had taken place during my search and all the praying, I had finally found my family and was talking to my sister. My sister, who is 5 years younger than me was very open and very understanding about what my husband was telling her. She knew nothing about me and was in total shock, however, she was so understanding and sympathetic. When we finally were given the opportunity to talk, all I could do was cry and apologize for the way she found out about all of this. Once we both got through the initial shock of the whole ordeal, we began talking like we had known each other all our lives. We talked that night for 3 hours.

    My sister has become my best friend. We talk every day and I cannot imagine my life without her in it. She has changed my life forever. I feel so grateful to her for opening up and accepting me as her sister. I never thought I'd see my mother's face, but she has shared so many wonderful pictures of my birth mom with me and has shared so many wonderful stories about her. The pain and hurt that I felt months ago is now replaced with love and hope. When I explain to people what my sister is like, I always tell them she's a lot like me only a much better version of me. She's the most loyal person I know of and she's also the most patient person I know of. We met for the first time in March and I was able to meet my other sister and my niece and nephew as well. My other sister lives with my birth mom, so it's much harder for us to keep in touch and communicate but I love her and thank God for her each day. My brother and I communicate via mail and phone calls. He's in a difficult place in his life right now, and I'm hopeful that he will turn his life around one day.

    As for my birth mom, she and I still have not communicated, but she is aware of the relationship that I have with my siblings and she is okay with that for the most part. My birth mom went on to become a very successful, well educated woman. I couldn't be prouder of her!She speaks several different languages and ran and operated her own day spas and clothing boutiques. She is still to this day going to school to educate herself in areas that interest her. So, I did turn out to be like my birth mom. I always had wonderful jobs and loved going to school and learning and although I never went into skin care as a profession, I was always, always very much into skin care and haircare. I had thought about going into that profession early on but never did. After learning more about my birth mom, I have come to understand and accept why she pushed me away the way she did. She has had a very hard life, very hard. I will always love her in spite of what happened because, just like my father has always taught me, I have been focusing on all the positive things about her and I know I would not be here if it wasn't for her. She is a part of me and no matter what she does, I will always love her and be waiting for her to one day open her heart to me.

    In the meantime, I feel blessed in so many ways. I have a bigger family now! I have 2 wonderful sisters whom I love and cherish each day of my life. My relationship with my sister continues to grow stronger each day and she will always be an angel to me because she gave me the answers I had been looking for my entire life. My sister is also a birth mom to a very beautiful little boy. She is the most generous person I know of. Words cannot describe how much she means to me, but I know that in some way, God has brought us both together and I know that nothing will ever tear us apart.

    the above story sent in by Chrissy, age 31
    Posted January 2003

  • "On a cold January day in 1955 in the city of Milwaukee, Wisconsin (also known as the 'beer capital') a married couple both struggling with alcoholism became parents of a fourth daughter. Due to their addiction, poverty and struggle to raise the 3 daughters they already had- they had a tough decision to make. The mother was 32 years of age, had cancer and a venereal disease. The father was 18 years her senior- 50. He made the decision to give this child a better life than they had given the first 3 daughters.

    I was that fortunate child. I was born 2 months premature, amazingly healthy. God had his hand on me! I remained in the hospital for 2 months, went to a loving foster home for 7 months and was adopted by a Christian family at 9 mos. I searched and found my birth family 7 years ago and my sisters were thrilled to meet me--they were told I died at birth when I did not come home from the hospital. My birth parents were deceased so I was sad not to be able to thank them for giving me life and adoption. My precious adoptive mother loved me enough to see that I needed to grieve the loss of my birth mother Lucille.

    One day she took me for a drive and I was unaware of where we were going. She pulled into the cemetary of where my birth mom's unmarked grave was. She took out the beautiful bouquet of flowers she purchased. We walked until we found the place where she was laid to rest, and my mom placed the flowers there. We stood there for a while in silence with hearts of gratitude, honoring my birth mom and her selfless decision. It is a day I will never forget!

    Her decision gave me a beautiful life and answered the prayers of a childless couple… I am doubly blessed to have 2 mothers whose decisions gave me LIFE and a family! I praise the Lord for His countless blessings to me! And in return, I want to share the Good News of LIFE and adoption in the adoption newsletter and support group ministry God has lead me into. I pray that my story will touch many people to choose LIFE and adoption!"

    Adoptees Pro-life— http://www.groups.yahoo.com/group/AdopteesProlife

    Adoption Blessings Christian Newsletter—a free 24 page quarterly pro-life, pro-adoption publication sent by US mail- testimonies,poems, articles by adoptees, birth parents and adoptive parents. Supported soley by donations--began Spring 2000— http://www.adoptionblessingsnewsletter.com

    Adoptees Christian Fellowship— http://www.groups.yahoo.com/group/AdopteesChristianFellowship

    the above story sent in by Jody, age 47


    JEFF (a poem about adoption)
    I prayed to God when I was a child
    For thing so so silly and things often wild.
    Then I asked God for a brother handsome and tall,
    Wise and strong and not mean at all.

    My mom had two girls and could bear no more,
    But all things are possible, I knocked on faith's door.
    When God sent a brother so tiny and small,
    With curls and diapers and rolling a ball,

    'Twas not what I'd asked for, but I loved him still,
    I thanked my God and accepted His will.
    I was fourteen years old when I got my brother,
    For my parents could adopt when they could bear no other.

    I watched him grow with sisterly pride,
    though sometimes annoyed, I must confide.
    I helped with parties and stuff at his school,
    We had such fun and fought some duals.

    Mama's heart was weak and sick and all,
    So I filled in at PTA and softball.
    As substitute Mom, I carried my lead,
    But the burden is light in love's abode.

    Today he graduated in cap and gown,
    And I'm the proudest sister around!
    For at 32, I have a brother handsome and tall,
    Wise and strong, and not mean at all.

    Deborah, age 47

  • [The poem included to the right was] "written when I was 32 and he was 18 years old. We adopted Jeff when I was 14 years and he was 3 months. Now I am 47 and he is about 33. Mama died a few years after this poem was written. She taught Christian kindergarten for many years before she became disabled.

    My dad is married again, is a deacon in church, and has a stepdaughter who has kids. I've had spinal and cancer and other surgeries and treatments and I am a widow with no kids, only a cat who lovingly walks on the keyboard and changes the display on my computer monitor.

    My younger sister, Teresa, who is 3 years behind me, is married and has one handsome little boy age 8 who recently became a Christian. My brother Jeff did crack for awhile in his 20s and there was much heartache. But now he is off drugs and has a wife and 2 beautiful little girls, ages 2 and 10, the oldest girl recently gave her life to Christ. And I'm still the proudest sister around-- proud aunt too.

    Tell everybody, adoption is wonderful. It doesn't matter how he got into our family, he is still my brother and I'd fight anyone who said he wasn't! And I don't care who knows it."

    the above story sent in by Deborah Funderburk, age 47

  • "In November of 1981, two 16 year olds had relations thus causing the woman to be pregnant. Nine months later, July 20, 1982, a baby girl was produced, by the grace of God, into this earth.

    My mother was a 16 year old softball, tennis, and volleyball player (it says this in the papers) so she didn't really have time to be pregnant. The option to abort me was probably a big one, seeing that it was less popular to be pregnant in the 80's at 16 than it is now. But she did the mature thing and kept me for 9 months and gave me up to a family that could take the proper care for me.

    The family I am with now, I love dearly. They were unable to have children and I think that it was God's plan for it to work like it did. My mom and dad (the ones that I live with) are very understanding about my wanting to meet my real parents and all. Thank you, Lord!!

    ((Yeah, I'm sort of against abortion, since I feel that I was probably almost a statistic!))"

    the above story sent in by Jill, age 17

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