Personal Stories from those affected by sexual sin
At Rock Bottom
—by AJ, age 36
It all started off when my child, Jacob, discovered some inappropriate Web sites. He was reaching the age when even good Christian boys become interested in the birds and the bees. The wife and I have always kept a close watch on Jacob’s Internet activities. Our attempts proved to be futile, however, as one day he stumbled upon a site featuring adult “educational” material. He was visibly affected and we spoke to him several times explaining to him why such a site was the Devil’s work. I decided to check the computer’s history and was shocked to see a number of other similar sites.
I must say that I was shocked at first, but soon began to bookmark these sites and return quite frequently. As my needs escalated, I found myself lying to my wife and sending her to bed before our usual 9:30 bed time. I would stay up later and later until it started to affect me at work. Our marriage suffered as well, as you could imagine. I could no longer hold her as we fell asleep. I felt dirty inside.
I soon began to have fantasies involving my wife with other couples we would entertain after church. I soon gave way to my desires and began touching myself while looking at the net. In order to keep up with my growing appetite, I invested in a broadband Internet connection. Of course I had to lie to my family, saying it was for Jacob’s education (little did he know it was because of him that my life had spiraled out of control.)
I would stay up all night mesmerized by the ample bodies displayed on the screen in front of me, all there for my personal satisfaction. Redheads, blondes, brunettes, fat women, thin women. Women. Women of all colors, all sizes and all persuasions. Women with other women. Women. They all became more enticing than my own dear wife.
I can no longer look her in the eyes. I started sleeping on the couch so I could be close to the computer as well as far from the intimacy of my wife. I have reached rock bottom--I haven’t left the house in three days. My poor wife and son are out of town visiting my parents, as I have too much “work” to do to accompany them. I haven’t slept in 18 hours, and I just learned that I have lost my job. All because of my addiction.
I don’t know what to do, so I am turning to God and you, my Christian friends, for help. Please pray for me and help me have the strength to conquer Satan.