Personal Stories from those affected by sexual sin
Fighting the Temptation
—by N.D., age 19
After much indecision I’ve decided to contribute with my story. You will find it difficult to believe what I am going to share. I was brought up in a very strict Christian family. As a kid I had restricted access to TV and my parents didn’t even permit me to mingle with children of my own age group. My father will come searching for me, if I happen to return late from school. Locked in my home I became curious, and I masturbated without sensing anything wrong. After the deed, I felt dirty, but I had to acknowledge a strange thrill. Anyhow, I vowed never to do that again, only to find myself searching for a secret place after a couple of hours. I was 11 yrs old then. I had no problem with my studies. I was the class topper very often, and my parents never suspected anything. Above all, I had such an innocent face!
But things were never the same in my heart. I felt more and more guilty. There was a burden in my heart. I found that the sin won’t be satisfied with a small portion of my life, as time went it demanded a more dominant role. I prided myself for my determination—even when the cards are down I’ll pursue with dogged determination and accomplish what all I had planned to study. My determination received a huge blow when it came to sex. I wasn’t able to prevent myself from running after anything provocative. I harboured a wrong notion that I was the only guy with these special problems. Above all I started playing “peeping Tom” which added to my shame. I took all measures to hide my activities from everybody and to this day I’ve succeeded, at least to my knowledge. But when my eyes were opened to the scripture I discovered that God KNOWS ME and at least from Him I can’t run away.
The first time I experienced real peace was with JESUS. But soon to my dismay I discovered that knowing Jesus simply won’t make me immune to sin. Indeed I fell but there wasn’t a moment I felt alone. It is where I think people like me make the mistake—relapsing makes us lose the joy of salvation but never salvation itself. It took me a lot of time to steer my path clear. I received Jesus in my heart in a student camp a few months back and I have started fleeing from sin since then. I am an engineering student and I’ll complete my graduation in the first year of the new millennium. There are only few Christians in our college and we have a functioning prayer cell. I played an active role even when I struggled with sin. My message to my unknown friends is that there is great power in getting together and sharing with like minded believing friends. It brought a great change in my life.
I am going to pursue a software career—the first hazard I faced was the Internet. I was shocked to see the extent of pornography that was freely available. I have to confess that I soon started gratifying my sexual appetite.
But before the deluge can overwhelm me my Saviour reached out to me thro’ ChristianAnswers.Net. Not only I read the materials given under “sex” and other youth problems I also clarified the doubts in my “very rational” thinking mind regarding Creation-Evolution issues. From now onwards I would raise my voice for the Creation theory. [before, I’ll maintain silence whenever this issue was brought in].
Real joy is only with Jesus. I can’t promise that I won’t sin again in my life because everyday I am tempted and new avenues for sin get opened very often. But I believe that thro’ Jesus I’ll have the victory. I have no need to fight because the victory has already been won for me and I just have to say “NO” when the tempter comes.